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i had friends right, I only found out that my so caleld friends are like the ones i met when i was in elementary. They were so accessible until our senior year. I got a lot of judging feedbacks from them. There was like one time i came inside the room, with them not knowing, i think that they were discussing about me with my other classmates. I think that they were talking rudely about me behind my back as a result i don't like to have any conversation with them just like my so caleld elementary pals . And get this, They always come begging for the things I have and the things I am good at, but when I ask them, it's like talking to a wall. Oh yeah and i forgot to mention that i have two people who were my friends in elementary that suddenly showed up to THE high school i'm attending at. They were kinda approaching me for the first 4 months, but as days goes by I definitely could tell that they were just using me to adjust to the environment. After that I learned not to trust people anymore and developed a trait caleld being camera shy i think.Now in my College life it gets worst every semester. I am in my 2nd year now and all the thoughts of getting back talked , people rejecting me when they notice my eyes, classmates who are telling some prof. we had about my weird looking eyes, All those funny looking faces when they get a glimpse of my face, and even those random people who see my face every single day when i commute to and from the college.It is very very noticeable these days. When I look at the mirror, I wish that i have a normal face. I even lust about people who have one(you name it from actors to everyday people).Even my whole clan despites the way i look. They may not say it to my face, but it's really noticeable. I remember a while back then, We had this whole clan outing. At first it was fine but i got really pissed off when all of my cousins were teasing me whoaw!!! there's a dewgong in the pool, look out . After that I noticed that even the older people in my clan was just there when they need me, and if i ask something from them I would get something like an angry retort as a feedback.I know that after reading all of this, you might think of me as a Self-centered jerk(the people around me does). That It's just hypertropia it's not that worse. Well I think, when you are in my position for at least a week you will feel the same emotions I have for my whole lifetime. I am an outcast of this world. My clan does not like me for the way I look. I don't know if I would ever have a job I like after college. I even tried 3 Opthalmologist(from different hospitals) and they all said my eyes were perfectly NORMAL. After that my family wont let me go to an Opthalmologist anymore because of the doctors' reason. I even tried to hide my hypertropia , i.e. tilting my head, desperately looking at the mirror and trying to fix it, closing one of the bigger eye so that my eye level would improve. I don't know what will happen to me. I don't think i would ever have a normal life. I did not have a girlfriend ever in my life. I am too frightened to get out of my room when i do not need to. I am too stressed to look at those judge-mental funny looking faces . I can't afford those treatment's let alone go to a doctor or someone that could help. I really just want a normal well-off life.

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Eric I totally unanestdrd! I am in my late fourties and was in the Air Force. I must say the Air Force didn't give me a hard time, even on the firing range. I have been to many eye doctors hoping to find someone who would help me, most just called it cosmetic and wanted thousands of dollars. I finally find a doctor that my son was referred to, so we could be sure he didn't have any issues he doesn't thank god!I have been seeing her for about seven years and because of my muscle weakening we discussed surgery I am going for it! My surgery is this Wednesday:) I know there are a lot of possitive and negative comments, but I have to give it a try.Have you thought about surgery? Because I keep my head down or tilt my head it is doing a job on my neck and back no more cosmetic reason.I hope everything works well!!!It may not be for everyone, but I trust my surgeon and it is the only thing that I haven't done.I hope you find someone that is able to help you! Keep trying and don't give up!

Hi guys.I've taken some time to read over your comments and they bring back a lot of bad meeorims. This comment had the most impact on me: I don’t even feel comfortable in the situation so I don’t even entertain it.' How true.I have passed up several thousands of oppurtunities over the years just in case' someone might say something about my strabismus and make me feel uncomfortable.The first person kind enough to point out that my eyes were crossed persisted to the point where he caused me to switch schools. Every day (and yes, you guys will know i mean EVERY day)I was concerned with the appearance of my eyes. This lasted from the age of 13 to 23. There were four surgeries within that time, but i was never satisfied.Ten years is enough for your mind to believe that you will never be free from the traumatising, psychological grip your strabismus has on you. Ten years is enough to believe that strabismus is you.Strabismus defines you.You are a pair of squint eyes sitting atop your avatar of despair. Wrong.It's your eyeball and a couple of muscles.Wear it like a scar, and wear it with a smile and every time someone brings it up, tell them you almost got eaten alive by a bear. Tell them another thing, too. Tell them you dont give a damn, even if you dont believe it even if you're DYING inside with humiliation. Once you say it enough, you'll start to believe it yourself. My full name is on the post, along with my city and age. My eyes are crossed, I'm skinny, and i don't like the beatles. If you have a problem with that come see me. I'll tell you i don't give a damn. I'm not gonna say good luck guys.Just do it.John

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